Postby Sinekein » February 6th, 2020, 8:49 am
I do not know what kind of psychologist you saw (or did not see), but as far as I am concerned one was instrumental in getting me out of my depression a couple of years back, and that is no small feat since that depression was on and off for nearly 9 years.
Thing is, the first two I saw did not work. The first one gave me pills - which I definitely do not want to get into - and the second was sort of a caricature of the "tell me about your parents" Freudian crap sort. But the third just let me vent out for a while before offering guidance that mostly was in the form of some variation of "give yourself a break". Not "stop caring about your life and give up", but more of the "stop giving yourself impossible standards" kind, by insisting on what does work in life - the kind you cannot see by yourself when you are down in the hole.
It did not work overnight, it took I think three or four months of weekly sessions, but it was invaluable. Because it helped me in an important moment - I had an important test to pass, and I got it, which landed me the job I wanted - but also because it taught me how to react when I get one of these downer episodes. They keep happening because life is not just happy rainbows and unicorns, but now they don't bring month-long despair anymore, in a couple of days I can kick myself back into shape and get on with it.
One thing to understand is that there is no easy, magical trick. If you feel like you are down a hole, to keep that metaphor going, then you won't find a Sonic bumper to instantly get out of it, it will be like climbing one hand at a time. The good thing however, is that the things you use to get out do not magically disappear once if you fall again, you can reuse them. Some work better than others, depending on your life and your personality, and you need to learn what suits you.
Trying new things might help too. If it doesn't work, well it won't make things worse, but you might find new activities you enjoy. I started dancing four years ago, something I absolutely never, ever did before, and was actually one of the things I dreaded the most in life. A colleague of mine dragged me into a course, and I enjoyed it so much that now one of my closest group of friends comes from that activity, and I practice it twice weekly, or more if there are some parties going on. I want to emphasize that it was not a lifelong dream of mine at all, or even something I ever bothered thinking about before trying it. Some activities that might sound absolutely alien, boring or stupid for you could end up becoming hobbies - I don't know, painting, pottery, crosscountry skiing...
I emphasize the plural here because as you say, if you rely on just one thing, then you are likely to have issues again if you are stopped in one way or another to do it. While having several activities always give you a backup if one is failing. It does not even have to be something hugely impressive or new either, it can just be finding satisfaction in keeping a clean home, in keeping a dietary or sport schedule, or going to see movies or theatric plays. Having diverse options helps avoiding what you mention about "clinging too hard" to what you find - and might actually help you build a social group, or to handle it better if you are having trouble in one of these activities. Again, the important thing is not to hope for some instant salvation when trying something. Just think about it making life a little bit better - one activity at a time, life can actually become good, and positivity does bring more success overall.
As for the romance part, I am of the mind that being in love does not make you happy - but happy people are more likely to have successful love stories. I don't think it is very common for love to "rescue" someone, it is better to try and find some stability and satisfaction on your own, and then think about what romance could add to it - because then it is way easier to find it.